For many years, as I have discussed previously, I wanted to have a child. Intellectually, it was a choice I made for my own life that felt right for me. Luckily, the person I fell in love with felt the same way. That all sounds simple and logical, doesn't it? Perhaps, but below that level of rational thought was another driver. One I could recognise as hormonally and biologically driven. I wanted to have a child. I ached to. At various points in my life, regardless of the suitability of time/place/partner/situation, I wished I could fall pregnant and have a baby. The logical part of me would recognise that the answer to this desire was "not now", but that didn't take the ache away. I used logic to bury it, and hoped that the time/place/partner/situation would be right soon.
I suppose I always assumed that the conclusion to this desire was having a child. There you go, you've done it, you have a child and the biological need is fulfilled. Realising mere months after Avery was born that this wasn't the case was a shock. I found that even through my initial horror at the idea of having another child, some days I would find the familiar emotion creep up at me from nowhere. Rather than the answer to this desire being "not now", it was "but we already did that!" Unfortunately that didn't stop the existence of said emotion.
And no, this isn't a convoluted way of telling you I'm having another baby, or even contemplating it. It's just something I haven't heard discussed before. I suppose when I heard women talk about wanting other babies I thought they meant it was something they had decided on a logical level. I didn't realise that they were talking about this desire being as strong for the idea of having another baby as it was for having the first baby. Our biology is a source of constant fascination to me. As is the idea that we think we have moved past these primary urges.